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Coping?
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Thank you so much Jane P, for your story. It’s good to know that there are people out there in the same situation as us and are willing to talk about it. I did not receive the previous edition of F-IVF because were in the process of moving so I did not read the previous articles which were of help to you.
Well, we too have been trying for a family for 8 years and have completed four fresh cycles and three frozen cycles. (It looks so easy written on paper!) We have tried various friends’ suggestion including meditation, healing, and acupuncture over the years – the list is endless, nothing makes any difference.
After completing our second frozen cycle we found ourselves pregnant! We were obviously delighted and discussed me giving up work and us moving to another area, still within Oxfordshire. A few days later the thing I dreaded most began. I phoned the hospital and was told that I could still be pregnant so had to go in for the first scan – another agonising two weeks. After the scan where nothing was seen there was a possibility of an ectopic pregnancy so my hormones would have to be checked in another couple of weeks. I’m sure many people can recount such difficulties – they’re all “character building” so I’m told!! Finally we were told that we were no longer pregnant.
After the initial disappointment we thought, why shouldn’t we move anyway – why should we wait for this longer for experience of carrying a baby to full term to do something positive with our lives. I was unhappy in my job and we decided we could live on one salary so I stopped working Christmas 2005 and we moved house. All very positive. I’m so much happier in our new home. My parents have also moved to be closer to us. My mother has Alzheimer’s disease and Dad needs the support so I now spend my time being a home help and carer to them. A very different experience from being a primary school teacher.
We honestly thought that me know having a more positive outlook on life and not being “stressed” by work would help our chances of having a baby so we booked in for our fourth fresh cycle. After the horrendous egg collection experience, we ended up with tow for the freezer and two to put back. Two weeks of waiting followed and we had a positive pregnancy test again. A few days later and the pregnancy wasn’t to be. So much for my newly found positive attitude.
That’s where we are now. We still have four embryos in the freezer so will carry on for at least another frozen cycles, we are just waiting for some blood test results before we begin the process again. How do we feel? How are we coping? We’re a whole mix of feelings at different times and sometimes we cope, sometimes we don’t but we’re still hanging in there and haven’t quite given up yet. (Although we have come very close to it at times).
The doctors and nurses at the Radcliffe are brilliant, I seem to know a few of them quite well now. As much as I like and respect them, I long for the day when I don’t have to go to Level 4 again.
Editor’s note Your story echoes my sentiments exactly – 2 IUI’s, five fresh IVF cycles, three frozen embryo cycles later and not one positive, I feel like I should work at the Fertility Unit as that is where we also hold the monthly meetings of the Friends of IVF - albeit some are at the Queen Victoria pub, which helps! I too long for the day that I no longer have to go to Level 4 and I look longingly at the couples going up to higher floors in the lift to have ante-natal scans or to the maternity ward. One day…..
We wish you all the best and hope that your next treatment brings the miracle that you deserve.
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